Monday: Summing It Up

This week we are supposed to sum up our experience of lent, since this will be the final week for the 40 blog. This is tough to do in some ways and in others is quite simple.

I'm a seminary student. I'm studying to become a more informed pastor. I was a youth pastor for five years. Christian: my whole life. How many times have I given up anything or practiced anything for lent? None. I've tried so many times. Sometimes I even got close to making it, but sure enough a stressful day would come and I just had to have a Mountain Dew. Fasting a meal? Couldn't do it. Reading a book? Didn't happen. So this year...I said screw it, I'm not doing anything.

Well, every Sunday night or Monday, I've blogged with and for my community. I didn't intend for this to happen, but I guess this 40 blog has successfully put me in a place spiritually I've been before during lent. Hooray for me right? Maybe.

You see, this came as more of a pain in the ass than anything else. I usually remembered to do this right before going to bed, thus prolonging my ability to sleep for at least 20 minutes. I didn't really do any preparation for this, so the struggle, and time, and energy just wasn't there. I simply didn't do much. I did reflect. I did read the other posts. I was inspired, relieved, curious, and amazed by them during this time. So does this count? I don't know, I probably won't even care after I click publish, but for me, I'm going to say yes.

Lent has been filled with pain, betrayal, hope, dreams, desire, frustration, and anger. I've lost a job and a place to live all at the same time. Found out my wife is going to get a pay cut in order to work on an internship so she can get certified for the state of Washington. I've also been part of planning and starting a new community house for COTA. I've seen that house one signature away from being ours, to being delayed another month by a greedy real estate agent and naive home owners.

This lent has been so different for me in so many ways, but the recurring theme in my life during lent is ambivalence, and this year is no different. It is the paradox of my life...I suppose I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you 40 blog writers for your stories, poems, thoughts, interpretations, time, effort, and truth.